So here goes…
Syrtis Major, British Crown Colony, Mars -
The diminutive evil genius Dr. Minikin Loveless has been sited on Mars! The British Military liaison, Captain Locke N. Load, attached with the Danish expedition currently establishing an outpost at an undisclosed location today filed the following report.
An unnamed Lieutenant (whose name is being withheld until his family can be formerly notified) with the Danish expeditionary force along with 4 soldiers set out on a 3 day extended reconnaissance of the area surrounding the Danish outpost on Tuesday last. When the party failed to arrive Thursday evening, little concern was noted as the rugged terrain around the outpost can easily cause unexpected navigation delays. However, when the party failed to arrive by noon on Friday, several search parties were sent out to try and locate the reconnaissance party. At around 8:30 pm on Friday last the search party accompanied by Captain Locke N. Load, her Majesties representative on the Danish expedition, discovered the body of the Danish Lieutenant. Despite an exhaustive search no other members of the reconnaissance party were discovered.
The Lieutenant was barely clinging to life, but could be heard mumbling "lightning", "midget" and "Loveless". The Lieutenant was quickly taken to the Danish outpost where the post Doctor attempted his best to treat his injuries but was not successful. According to official reports the injuries were almost identical to those that result from individuals being struck by lightning. But as everyone one knows, there is no lightning on Mars. The Lieutenants revolver was empty, indicating that he had fought whatever his strange attacker was. Among his possessions was found one of the new experimental reduced size self contained cameras and a note book. Entries in the note book included:
• Tuesday, made camp around 9:45 p.m., nothing unusual sited.
• Wednesday, discovered traces of an old trail or possible road. Later sited what appeared to be ancient steps carved in a valley face. Made camp around 9:30 p.m. Up early tomorrow to head back to the outpost
• Thursday, broke camp and began heading back to the outpost at 4:50 a.m.
• Heard a strange noise down one of the valleys, almost like a locomotive, moving off to investigate, 6:15 am.
• It can't be, we have positively identified the evil Dr. Loveless! I have ordered the party to withdraw and make the best possible speed to the outpost.
• 2 of my men are dead. We were spotted by Dr. Loveless' infernal devices. I don't know what they are, but they aren't much taller than him. They appear to be iron; pistol and rifle bullets have no effect. I'm ordering the party to split up in the hopes one of us will reach the outpost and spread the alarm.
There were more detailed descriptions but the above is all the military would release at this time.
The plates within the camera were brought to New Sytris and developed and yielded the below image.
For our readers unfamiliar with Dr. Loveless, he is an evil genius of the most heinous type. While standing only approximately three and a half feet tall, his intellect is gigantic. His last known whereabouts placed him in the United States where he was nearly successful on several attempts to take over the American Government. How he came to arrive on Mars, what the above infernal machines are, as well as what his plans are for Mars are questions that must be answered and answered soon.
The fact that he has now been confirmed as being on Mars can only mean interesting times are in store for Her Majesties forces here. One can not help but surmise the American Secret Service will breath a sigh of relief on learning that the Diabolical Dwarf who so vexed their two best agents in no longer in North America.
We are quite fortunate that our Danish Allies discovered his presence, and offer our condolences to the families of the Danish Soldiers who died to give us this advance warning.