THE FUDDLAND CHRONICLE
All the news that’s fit to fabricate
Fuddlands #1 (and only) source of news
The Pink Lady of Ratskania news
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Edition #5
From the Front Page
Above is a portrait by the Royal Artist accompanying the Großherzog on his trip to the front. The portrait depicts His Excellency and staff.
Colonel Guderian Honored
Undisclosed Location near the Northern Border – In an official ceremony today His Excellency Elmer bestowed the ‘Order of the Carrot’ upon Colonel H. Guderian, Commander of the 1st Fuddland Grenadiers. The Order of the Carrot is bestowed on those individuals who display exemplary courage under fire. Specific details of the events surrounding the award are currently being withheld for security reasons.
Humanitarian Sale
In a shinning demonstration of his great humanitarian nature, His Excellency, Elmer Von Fudd, Großherzog of Fuddland, has allowed the sale of surplus Fuddland foodstuffs to our starving neighbors to the south. His Excellency was quoted as saying “As if stawving citizens wasn’t bad enough, now these wumows of cannibalism in Benefice are most distwessing.”
Local Songstress Announces Performance for Troops
Fuddsburg – Lili Von Shtupp, the Bavarian Bombshell, has announced that in honor of our brave troops she will be performing several special shows along the Northern Border just for them.
From the Public Notices
Architectural designs sought
His Excellency Elmer, today announced that Fuddland is soliciting Architectural designs for a new shrine to be built to honor the T.G. In addition to the normal motifs, designs should also include motifs of Grenadiers as well as motifs of a nautical nature and of course the obligatory Fuddland Rabbit motifs. The location the shrine is to be built in has not been disclosed.
Fuddland Announces Bids Open for Uniform Designs
An undisclosed Fuddland unit is accepting proposals for the design and production of 4,500 uniforms. The Uniforms should include the following:
Rabbit Fur Colpacks dyed carrot orange, with bright green bags and bright red cords.
Uniforms should be double breasted, featuring the colors Orange and Green, with bright red buttons – other embellishments, particularly of a garish nature are left to the discretion of the proposal submitters.
Help Wanted
Having trouble finding work? Are past ‘indiscretions’ making it difficult to qualify for gainful employment? We may have an opportunity for you. If you’re a patriotic Fuddlander, and meet any of the below qualification, contact Headley Lamar at the Fuddland S.A.I.D. (Security and Intelligence Directorate).
We want rustlers, cutthroats, murders, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con-men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglars, horse thieves, bull-dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, sh**-kickers, and Methodists!
Special Thanks to Mel Brooks for writing the above line
The prestigious Order of the Carrot
